Updated: Sep 19, 2022
I made what was appearing to become a bi-monthly call to my dear friend and mentor, fussing, complaining, and going off regarding some situation about my husband--what he did, what he didn’t do, and how he could have and should have done “it” better. On and on I went. When I finally took a breath from my tirade and allowed my friend to get a word in, she calmly said, “Yep, you are right.” (Duuuh, but of course! ☺) But what she followed up with has changed the trajectory of how I choose to show up not only in my marriage, but also for myself.
Her next statements were something like this, “Do you want to be right, or do you want results?” (What kind of dumb question is that, I thought to myself.) I was baffled, and confused. I asked her to explain. She proceeded, “Well, I’m asking if you want to be right or do you want results, because depending on what you want, it helps me to know how to follow up. If you want to be right, I can stay on the phone with you for the next half hour, telling you all the ways in which you are right—because you really are “right.” However, if you want results where you aren’t calling me monthly complaining, then that’s an entirely different conversation that’s going to cause you to shift in your thinking. If you want results, then it doesn’t matter about you being right.”
Crickets. I sat for a moment speechless. Eyes wide and processing the question. It was a hard pill to swallow, but definitely a paradigm shift that would cause me to employ a new mindset. In order to have results, I couldn’t continue to operate from a visceral approach. I couldn’t continue to let my feelings dictate my conversations and outlook, and I couldn’t continue ruminating on just how much my husband was wrong on some petty grievances and just how much I was (always) right. What good was it to be right if we were still always at odds?
I reminded myself of a scripture that says, “He who wins souls is wise.” Hmmm….there was a connection with this idea of utilizing wisdom, gaining results, and winning! In order to get results that I sought after, in order to experience a more fulfilling, joyful, and loving marriage where we could effectively learn to speak each other’s language, I was going to have to “wife” from a place of wisdom. I had to be intentional about the overall results I wanted and work backwards from there. It was from that point that I decided “wise wives win” when we apply certain principles to our marriage, regardless how we feel.
And guess what I quickly noticed? When I began to use wisdom and make small changes, I began to notice those results almost instantly happen. When I made small changes, my husband responded with even greater ones. This was also an eye opener about just how much influence and impact that we hold as wives; an innate power and gift within our feminine DNA that allows us to set the tone, create the atmosphere, and shift the energy within our homes, all based on how we choose to show up.
And speaking of showing up, this situation was the impetus for me choosing to show up for many other women and wives from a place of authenticity based on my personal values, thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and sharing my “two cents” on how together we can celebrate love and life and proudly and humbly proclaim that “Wise Women & Wives Win!”
Oh yeah, to “win” is subjective! Wisdom never fails and prudence always prevails. Regardless how you feel, what you are currently experiencing, what the evidence suggests, or what the forecast appears to be; when you stand firm in your God given identity, authority, and position, a wise woman will always rise!
Wise Wives Win!