Updated: Jun 23, 2022
I used to look at him like this and say “Fix it Jessssus!” But now I look at him like this and say “Yasssss, Thannnnk you Jesus!!”
I’ll be honest... I haven’t always looked at him like this. I’ve given him all kind of looks from one end of the spectrum to the next. Lol! But I’ve learned a secret. In the midst of frustration once upon a time, God whispered to me, “Do you want to be right, or do you want results?” That question ultimately changed the trajectory of how I thought.
In my earlier married days, the answer was, I wanted to be RIGHT AND PROVE that I was “right.” (Because duuuh... I was right! Just kiddin! ) Then I progressed and wanted BOTH...to be RIGHT and have RESULTS. But now in my wiser years, getting the desired RESULT is what’s most important. Marriage isn’t easy. But it doesn’t have to be complicated either. Like anything else that’s worth having, it takes work, effort, sacrifice, and the discernment to put that ego aside in order to seek results over seeking to be right. Me wanting to show and prove that I was right was more about ego and pride than anything. I can prove that I’m right all day, but if things stay the same or I don’t ultimately get the result we need, does being right really even matter? Who cares that I’m right if we are still avoiding each other, tension in the air and I’m giving him the side eye. Being right is like a temporary high. It feels good in the moment, but when it wears off, those same issues are still there waiting for you. We can prove just how right we are until the cows come home, but what good is that if there is still discord in our home, distain in our hearts, and distance between us, sleeping on the opposite side of a cold bed as though you really like it there? When we strive to be right what have we gained other than the bragging rights of “Oh, but I’m right!” and wearing the invisible “I’m right” badge of honor that leaves you basically in the same place where you started, and often even further behind? I’ve learned in my moments of saying “Fix it Jesus,” that there was always something that Jesus wanted to fix in me too. I’ve learned when I rolled my eyes and complained to my friends about the fixing that needed to happen with my husband and the changes that he needed to make, that there really were changes that I could have made as well. (The first change was to stop all the complaining to my friends. The more you fuss and recite those same messages over, you ultimately have what you keep saying you have… but more on that later!)
As women, because we hold so much influence in our marriages, usually when we assess how we (knowingly or unknowingly) contribute to the issues, make changes (even the smallest of change), our husbands will respond with greater change. They have an innate desire to please us and make us happy (I'm referring to well meaning men with basic good intentions).
Regardless if our actions are a reaction to our husbands lack of what he should be doing better, when our focus is always on the other person, it’s hard to see our “little foxes” that insidiously contribute to the overall problem at hand.
Often times, although our first instinct is to proclaim our innocence and lack of contribution to an issue, often our negative disposition, tone, and attitude alone are usually contributing factors that exacerbate an issue. It doesn’t speak to our husbands love language and primary need of respect, which is how he is wired and designed. When we are able to provide their primary need of respect, they are able to freely provide our primary need of love.
When you seek RESULTS over being RIGHT, you operate differently. You do marriage differently. You give differently. You receive differently. You respond differently. You pray differently. You show up differently. And ultimately, that husband looks at you differently and acknowledges you differently. You don’t have to flex your “I’m right, you’re wrong” muscles. You don’t have to get the last word. You ultimately get what you what….and more!
So, what do you choose, to be right or to have results?
Wise Wives Win!